Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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