i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
