how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
