i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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