please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
