I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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