carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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