My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
