He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
