I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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