I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
