I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
worst night to have a conscience
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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