I have demons in me.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
