JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
