Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
