You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
