The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
