There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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