i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
