But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
