Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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