If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
