Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
