You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think a kid would responsible me up
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Send help, water and tortillas.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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