I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
