I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
