Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
