well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i believe in u and ur pee
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
