A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
