I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
