I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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