He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
