Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
