we're blogging at a bar
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
