I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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