is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
