Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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