And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
