Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
