Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
