I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
