Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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