I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
