At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
