so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
