also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
FUCK WHALES
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
