He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
