what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
