Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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