Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
wow bdsm is so cute
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
