i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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