You're a womanizer and a bitch.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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