we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
